Betrayed
by animelover151
Summary: Shuichi and Yuki decided to do a little roleplay, but what happens when it goes too far? Will Yuki be able to fix what hes broken?


Shuichi looked up into Yuki's golden eyes and sunk into the hot kiss. Yuki's tongue tangled with Shuichi's and they both developed growing erections. Yuki reached down and grabbed Shuichi's wrists roughly, pulling them hard above his head. Shuichi gave a little whimper of pain as Yuki gripped them. Shuichi began to squirm underneath Yuki as the earlier sweet kissing became harsher. Yuki turned Shuichi over and roughly grabbed a fistful of his hair, pulling it while shoving the boy's face into the mattress.

"Yu-Yuki?" Shuichi asked quivering at his lover's brash manner. Yuki chuckled and slipped Shuichi's pants down. He didn't bother to do anything to pleasure the boy. Shuichi broke out in a cold sweat, and doubted he could get hard again, even if he tried.

"Shut it." Yuki replied in a voice laced with wanting and anger.

"Yu-Yuki, I don't like this. Please sto-"He was interrupted by Yuki's sadistic laughter. It echoed off the walls and made Shuichi shudder underneath the older man.

"You fucking idiot. Who gives a damn what you want. All you are, ever have been, and ever will be is my fuck hole, and I prefer my fuck holes silent." Yuki hissed in a voice thick with laughter. Shuichi felt tears swell to his eyes at the older man's words.

"You said you loved me!" Shuichi breathlessly whispered. He knew the older man had said it. It wasn't a dream, but could it have been some sick joke.

"The only things anyone could ever like about you are your ass and your fuckable lips. It's not even that much of a turn on since you can't fuck anyway. Taki was right to rape you. You wanted it didn't you, bitch? I bet they were so disappointed at your skill. You're such a slut. Receptive to my every touch, screaming like so damn idiot, ëOh, Yuki, harder, I love you' makes me sick. All you ever want is to be fucked. Other than that you whine and hinder everyone around you. You deserve everything you've ever gotten. If I were Aizawa, I would have permanently damaged your fucking mouth. So shut the fuck up, no one could ever love a brat like you." Yuki whispered violently into Shuichi's ear causing the boy's breathing to hitch in despair.

"You don't mean that!" Shuichi said almost inaudibly."

"You liked it didn't you, brat? The way they dominated you, and the way they made you squeal. I bet those were squeals of pleasure. Did you even remember my name?"

"That's not true, you don't!" Shuichi tried to yell, but the things Yuki was doing to his body made it hard. They both hurt and didn't hurt. Waves of pleasure, then pain, but more pain than anything and his hands ached from the iron grip around them.

"If I didn't, I wouldn't have said it, baka. You are too stupid to even notice too huh. You're just a damn leech. You take Hiro's unending kindness, you take my money happily, and you take away my peace. Everyone is tired of your damn thieving. I bet Hiro would be happy never to see your face again, and Sakano and Fujisaki would be relieved if they heard you had died. I know I would be." Yuki taunted Shuichi with these poisoning words and Shu forgot how to speak. This seemed more real than anything he had ever been told by the older man. He wanted it to stop.

Shuichi just wanted it all to stop. He wanted Yuki to let him go and apologize. He wanted to stop feeling the pain Yuki was causing him. He wanted everything that hurt to just stop. There must have been a way right? Right then though, his mind could only process the sickening truths and unyielding pain.

Yuki thrust in without prepping Shuichi at that point. Shuichi felt bile rise into his throat. The rough hands, insults, and pain brought Shuichi back to a point in time where nothing but fear was present. This time there was hurt. It was Yuki doing this to him.

"YUKI, YUKI STOP! PLEASE STOP! NO! NOT THERE! AHHH, IT HURTS! YUKI!" Shuichi continued to scream to no avail.

"Again with the Yuki, you idiot! Can't you even say my name? Or are you too damn stupid. It's Eiri. Call me that. If you scream Yuki like the pathetic thing you are one more time, I'll kill you myself."

After this speech Shuichi quieted. Yuki turned Shuichi to face him. Shuichi couldn't look into his lover's face and turned away, ashamed. Yuki continued to thrust in and out without a thought to the lithe boy shaking underneath him. The pain became too much and Shuichi began to scream. There was fear of blood in Shuichi's mind. He didn't think he could clean blood from that type of wound a second time. Thankfully though, those screams brought Yuki over the edge. He sighed and rolled off top of the boy, lying in the bed beside him.

"New York." Shuichi croaked out of his hoarse voice and rolled away from the writer crawling into a tight ball. Yuki sighed and pulled out a cigarette.

"A little late to use the safe word isn't it, brat?" Shuichi didn't respond. He just laid there wrapped in his little ball. Yuki spared a glance at his pink-haired lover. He was becoming increasingly worried about him. "Shu, you ok?" The ball didn't even move once. He reached out to put a hand on the boy's shoulder, but the quick flinch stopped him.

"I told you that I would do this. If you didn't like it why did you keep silent?" Although the boy hadn't really kept quiet; that particular love-making session had been filled with screams. Yuki sighed and asked the boy the question that was troubling him the most at that point.

"Did I hurt you?" Shuichi's heart raced and he decided lies were better than the truth. Admitting the truth would be admitting that he had deserved it anyway.

"No." Shuichi croaked. Silence once again fell upon the room. Yuki sighed in relief and wanted to talk to his baka, but decided to keep his mouth closed for the time being. Yuki finished his cigarette and tried to talk to the boy again. He didn't reply and Yuki thought he had fallen asleep. He laid down himself, and let dreams come.

Shuichi had not gone to sleep. He was setting there thinking about what had just transpired. Yuki's words made more sense than anything else he had ever said. Yuki had not been kind during that session, and Shuichi had not felt any pleasure. He had heard of things like this giving pleasure, immense pleasure, to some. Yuki had wanted to try it out, and how could he say no? Now, there was nothing but regret in the boy. Even if that was the way that Yuki felt, Shuichi would have been better off if he had never known it. It pained him so much. Shuichi just laid there crying, crying until the tears took him to sleep.

Shuichi woke up with nothing but pain in his bones the next morning. The pain was so familiar that his breath caught in his throat and his arms flailed out, eyes fluttering open to check his surroundings. His hand found Yuki beside him until the singer remembered the events of last night. Then his hand jerked away of its own accord. He looked at the clock and decided that it was indeed time for work.

Shuichi swung his legs over the edge of the mattress and winced at the pain. He stood and let out a gasp as he learned that his legs could not hold him. He fell to the floor in a heap. Shuichi tried to stand, but the pain was much too great to allow such an action. So he sat there trying to stand, like a new born deer, with tears flowing freely down his face.

It took a while, but finally Shuichi managed it. He shuffled over to the closet and looked at his wrists. They had angry purple bruises where the writer had held them. Shuichi pulled out a long-sleeved shirt from his closet and black leather pants. The shirt was enough out of his style; baggy pants would have been too much. He hoped Hiro wouldn't ask.

Yuki watched from the bed as his lover tried to stand repeatedly. It just wasn't working, and he didn't think he could lie there any longer and watch the boy sob at his own inability, when finally he managed to stand. Yuki watched and knew he had to say something, for last night had gone terribly wrong.

"Something wrong, brat?" Yuki asked, his heart filled with trepidation. Shuichi jumped at the sudden noise and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. A small shaky ënothing' escaped from the boy's lips and Yuki grimaced. He lifted himself out of bed and plodded over to the singer. Shuichi felt the presence behind him and fear caused him to jump, which caused him to fall.

Yuki reached out to stop Shuichi from falling, but Shuichi jerked from the contact, eyes wide in fear. Yuki just frowned. "So what, I disgust you now?" Shuichi looked up at the man's cold eyes. He shook his head in denial and looked into his lap.

"Never." The sound was angrily whispered. Yuki raised an eyebrow at his lover's reply. He was about to ask what was the matter when the boy spoke once more. "Your right!" He whispered and Yuki felt as if someone had slapped him in the face.

"Right about what?" Yuki was amazed at how is voice could sound so cool, when his soul felt so unstable.

"It's me..my fault!I-I'm damaged, right? Unlovable? Untouchable? Disgusting." Shuichi mumbled and Yuki started at the boy's words. Did he truly believe that?

"Shuichi, is this about what I said last night? You know those were lies. You know that was part of the game. Don't you?" Shuichi looked up into Yuki's eyes and began to laugh. He giggled hysterically as he stood.

"Then why do your lies feel so right?" Shuichi said in between laughs. Yuki reached out and grabbed his arm as he began to walk away. He was relieved when Shuichi didn't jerk away from him. Shuichi just looked back at him. "I have to go to work." He pulled his arm out of Yuki's loosening hold and walked out of their bedroom. It was slight, but he had a limp in his step. Yuki began to feel sick. He pulled out his phone and for the first time in months dialed that number.

Shuichi arrived at NG only to have K press a cold metal to his temple. Shuichi turned and looked into K's bright blue eyes. He wanted nothing more than for K to pull the trigger.

K stepped back at the desolate look in his singer's eyes. He took the gun away from the boy's head, convinced that if he didn't pull the trigger, the singer might. The other occupants of the room watched as this event transpired. None but K saw the look in Shuichi's eyes, but all of their interest was peaked at the American's sudden withdrawal.

Fujisaki lifted an eyebrow as the singer moved forward and grabbed the mic. There was nothing to be said, he supposed, but still something did not feel right. Something didn't look right about his band mate. He couldn't place it. In his movements there was something!

Hiro gasped loudly and furiously. Those movements were familiar to the guitarist. He had only seen Shuichi move like that once before. Knees inward, hands close to his side, head hung, and walking!walking as if it pained him. He stepped forward and grabbed the arm of his longtime friend. For the second time that morning, Shuichi did not flinch and simply looked. "We have work to do." All members of the group simply looked at this singer in surprise. They watched as he tightened his grip on the mic and began to sing.

It wasn't his normal singing voice. Taking their debut song and making it this sad was new. There was a painful cry from Shuichi's mouth as he sang, ëI want a new world.' Shuichi then sat the mic down and looked at his band mates, daring them to ask. None were brave enough, not even Hiro. Hiro wanted to badly, but he could tell that it was not his place. The song had been beautifully sung. Not in the normal way Shuichi was beautiful, but in a new cutting way. This beauty felt as if it had come from Mimir's well, and Shuichi had paid a steeper price than the Allfather by far.

"I want to rerelease the Rage Beat in this format. Give a new birth to the song. Is that ok with everyone?" They nodded even though it couldn't happen unless Tohma agreed to it, but none wanted to challenge the desolate man. Everyone moved to their stations ready to satisfy the whims of their unpredictable singer.

Yuki pushed open the door to the office and waved at the receptionist from behind his dark sunglasses. She smiled at him and waved him to the back. Over the years, they had made a somewhat shaky friendship, if it could even be called that.

Yuki prepared himself and pushed the door into hell open. A friendly woman looked at him from behind her glasses as he sat down. She smiled at him, as if they were old friends.

"Mr. Usuegi it sure has been a while. I see you've been doing well. It is superb that you haven't been taking your medicine as heavily lately. I'm very proud." Eiri snorted at that comment. He had been in her charge for almost seven years; he guessed some progress would make her happy. One step closer to getting rid of his screwed up ass. No puns intended. She looked up and gave him a look, as if she had read his every thought. He lifted his hands in surrender and chuckled. At least this woman wasn't such a bore.

"Yeah life's been great." He said somewhat sarcastically, somewhat truthfully. In reality he really didn't know the difference. One more side effect of his pink-haired baka's intrusion of his life, but thinking about Shuichi made him feel more somber. His therapist immediately picked up on the change in mood and took it as the green light to begin the session.

"About what we talked about on the phone!Could you please expand on that a little?" Yuki sighed and prepared himself for the woman's never-ending analysis.

"Shuichi and I decided to do a little role-play. It was rough in origin and I think I may have gone over the edge a little. I wasn't very kind with my words, hell I was outright mean. It was all pre-planned though. I asked him and told him what it would be like. He seemed intrigued and agreed. I don't know where it all went so wrong. He seems to have taken what I said seriously. Says lies are making more sense than the truth!" Eiri released it all in one breath and sighed heavily. It was now time for his psychologist to take apart everything that he had said. Perfect.

"Was this!a rape scenario?" Yuki was surprised at how quickly the woman had pieced together his clues. Damn intuitive women. Instead of replying he simply shook his head in agreement. Yuki did not expect the woman to hiss out her next lines, "Excuse me, but isn't Mr. Shindou a rape victim?" Yuki looked up at her, surprised at her tone more than anything.

"So, what about it? I asked him if he liked what they did. Told him he deserved it." Eiri replied and he realized for the first time how unbearably cruel he had been to the boy.

"That is incredibly debasing, Mr. Usuegi. Did you not think that Mr. Shindou may have forgotten that you were simply acting." She said while taking in a breath. Yuki just shrugged and replied with the only defense he really had.

"We had a safe word. New York!"

"Well, that is quite the interesting pick of a word, isn't it!? What other kinds of things did you tell Mr. Shindou?" Yuki looked up at the woman and realized that he didn't want to tell her all the things he had said. Those were the things that he knew would hurt Shuichi the most. He knew Shuichi best, and had hurt him to the best of his abilities. What right did this woman have to know every insecurity his lover had?

"This isn't the time to try and protect your lover, not after the events of last night, Mr. Usuegi." This shut Yuki's thought pattern down. He leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms as he revealed something that seemed so sacred to him, and maybe even to Shuichi.

"I told him that no one could love someone like him. That he was stupid and could never understand anything. I called him a worthless leech and said that he stole from everyone, and took his best friend's kindness for granted; I even said he stole from me. I told him that he was a hindrance to everybody and only wanted to be fucked and couldn't fuck anyway. I said that his body was his only redeeming quality and he even managed to fuck that up. I told him he was a slut and it was pathetic at how much my touch affected him. I called him pathetic a couple more times, then told him he deserved to be raped, and probably didn't even satisfy them. I told him he enjoyed being dominated and squealing for them so much that he forgot my name. Even when I know the only reason he didn't fight back was because they threatened me. I said to him that everyone would be happier if he had died. That I knew I would be. I was rough with him. I-I knew he was scared, but I kept going. He called me Yuki and I told him I would kill him unless he learned my fucking name, which was Eiri, and he was too stupid to know that." Yuki closed his eyes and waited for her to respond. It sounded so wrong listed in this way, but at the time it had made him so excited.

(We are moving to Eiri's point of view. It's the best way to get this scene across. I don't think my omnipotent self really helps you here. Enjoy ^-^)

"Mr. Usuegi, did Mr. Shindou ever get aroused?" I barked out a laugh.

"No, for the first time the brat didn't come with excitement from my touch. Kind of disappointing if you ask me." I laughed feigning indifference at the topic. She wasn't fooled.

"Did you not think to stop?"

"There was a safe word for a reason; he could have stopped this at any time." I replied weakly, this was going in directions I did not want to venture.

"Did you ever consider that he was too afraid? From what you've told me it seems as if the poor boy was terrified. Did you physically hurt him?"

"I asked him last night and he told me I didn't. Th-this morning though I saw him trying to get out of bed. He couldn't stand for the longest time, and his wrists were bruised from last night. I think he lied. Hard to believe after all this time the brat would develop that ability." I gave another bark at the irony in that, while she continued to write and think.

"Mr. Usuegi you seem to regret hurting him physically. Is there a reason why?" I sighed. For someone so intuitive this woman couldn't see the most obvious things.

"I love the baka, it's not like I wanted to hurt him!." She drew in a breath at that line and I opened my eyes to look at her. She smiled softly at me; ok maybe she wasn't so blind.

"Did you mean anything you said?" I looked at her startled with the accusation. That didn't even deserve an answer.

"I mean do you feel as if he should pay you rent or as if he really asked to be raped."

"Of course I don't want him to pay rent and it was not his fault. It was that damn Aizawa's fault. I only said those things because I knew they would hurt him, and that was my objective at the time. To hurt him, not physically though, and I didn't expect him to take me seriously." She nodded as if this was what she had expected.

"Are you sure that is the truth for everything you said, Mr. Usuegi?" I thought about it for a second and threw a suspicious glance at her.

"What do you mean?" She looked at me as if she expected me not to catch this. It irritated me, but I decided to stick it out and see what this psychic had to say.

"You demanded that Mr. Shindou call you by your real name. How did that hurt him, or was it for your own comfort?" I didn't have an answer. It was something I had just said. Did I want the brat to call me by my name?

"I think you just want to care for him, Mr. Usuegi. It seems as if Mr. Shindou not being personal enough with you was a point of annoyance for you. It probably is resolved now. Mr. Shindou won't have the spirit to call you Yuki anymore. It was a good way to fix that particular problem, although there are better ones. I think everything will be fine, once you have a good talk with Mr. Shindou and make him understand. You're afraid that he might leave you, if you don't put him in his place. The place that you can't figure out. Do you think Mr. Shindou belongs below you?" I laughed at that one. This woman was cracking me up today.

"In bed he does, but no. I-I think beside me is a much better spot. It's easier for him to annoy me that way, and I can make sure he doesn't break anything else. Everybody wins." It was surprisingly simple. I wonder if I had known this is where I wanted the brat to be all along.

"Did you ever consider allowing Mr. Shindou to be the dominant figure during sex?" At this I couldn't take her antics anymore. It was just too hilarious. My Shu wanting to top me? As if.

"No, I think that little pink-haired brat enjoys being a bottom too much, and he wouldn't be cut out for the work. The poor thing can barely take it when he's not doing most of the work. That would be funny to consider though." She nodded in understanding and I chucked again. The idea was just too funny. I could picture the sweet little thing curling into me, his eyes closing seconds after we both finished, and mumbling that mantra of his. The thought made me sigh. Last night he hadn't said anything. Had not curled into me like a content kitten. Despite my protests, when I thought about losing that, I felt bile rise into my throat. The damn brat sure had an effect on me, that's for sure.

"Has this always been one of your fantasies with your partners?" She asked and I could feel that this would be one of her last questions for the session. Strangely enough I felt loads better. I needed to go drink a beer, write a chapter or two, and smoke a pack of cigarettes. Maybe then I could return to my normal cold as winter every word laced with sarcasm self, and move away from this mushy character.

"No, only Shuichi!" She nodded and sat down her clipboard she had been scribbling on all hour. I wondered why this was true though. Maybe it was that body of his. I mean his stage outfits were skimpy for a reason, and it wasn't to show off his voice.

"I think this goes back to the idea that you want to protect him, but you cannot protect him and push him away at the same time, so you come up with ways that you think will drive him away permanently. Do you think, even if you succeeded, that this would bring you happiness?" I felt as if she had punched me. Would I be happy if Shuichi left me? After three years of the damn brat I think the silence alone would kill me. She smiled and looked at me. I knew she wanted me to go home and talk to the brat. I guess those cigarettes would have to wait.

Shuichi pushed open the door to his and Yu-Eiri's apartment. He sighed and let the door swing shut behind him only to turn around and see his lover with a cigarette in his mouth. He looked surprisingly happy. Shuichi felt bad. Bad about what he had said to Eiri and bad about himself, the older man would probably never want to touch him again. Not if he felt that way.

Eiri looked down and saw the brat standing a few paces from the door. He smiled and mumbled a greeting to the lithe singer. It was later in the day than he had realized.

"Y-Eiri what have you been up to today?" Shuichi asked in a small voice, causing Eiri to grimace. The sudden change of what Shuichi called him was also a point of concern. He didn't like how the boy wouldn't meet his eyes and hid his hands behind his back. Shuichi's legs looked way too wobbly to keep him standing as well. Eiri stepped closer to his favorite baka, and swept him up. He put his car keys in the bowl by the door, walking straight to the couch while replying to his shocked lover, rigid in his arms.

"Went to see that damned therapist of mine." Shuichi looked up in question, in eyes violet pools of sadness and quickly turned away. ëUgh' thought Eiri 'this has got to stop.' Well at least he was no longer flinching at every touch.

"Why?" Shuichi squeaked unsure of how to ask and if it would make Yu-Eiri mad. Eiri looked down at him and raised an eye. Shuichi now sat on the couch and Eiri was rummaging in the kitchen.

"Do you really need to ask?" Shuichi thought about that for a second and decided he was right. Eiri returned into the living room with a beer for himself, the brat's juice, and a carton of strawberries for the both of them to share. "I went over the edge last night and I want to say I'm so-"Shuichi stopped Eiri from replying with an apology of his own.

"No, Eiri, I'm sorry. I overreacted. I shouldn't have taken everything so seriously. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Yuki looked down at his little brat, whose head was hung in defeat as he mumbled those words repeatedly.

"Then why do you sound like your apologizing for a different reason?" Eiri asked without venom in his voice while taking a sip of his beer, eyebrows raised. Shuichi's head snapped up and he met Eiri's golden eyes for a second before turning away once again. Eiri, sick of this, grabbed his tiny chin and forced their eyes to meet.

"Baka now listen close and listen well. I love you. I know I don't say it enough. I probably ever wont and you'll cry about it and annoy me. Life moves on. I think you're great in bed; otherwise I wouldn't be inside your pants every other night. I need you here by my side and if any of your band mates had heard me last night, I would be the one in the grave. That goes double for that guitarist of yours. Taki Aizawa was not right, and I went too far with that. I know you love me. I love the way my touch makes you into a puddle of goo. You're annoying!but sometimes, like right now, your nothing but cute. I think you're perfect the way you are, my baka and everything that entails." Shuichi continued to look at him, even when he loosened his hold on the boy's face. Shuichi's eyes began to roll with tears and Eiri prepared himself for something that he knew was coming.

"Oh, Eiri!" Shuichi screamed as he glomped his love. Eiri ran his hands through the younger boy's silk locks.

"You don't have to call me that!" Shuichi wiped his tears of joy away and shook his head.

"You were right, it is your name, and that's what I should call you. It has been over three years anyway." Eiri nodded and accepted this as the way it was going to be. They sat back in the couch and began to eat the strawberries Eiri had brought with him. Shuichi was oddly quiet, but it was nice and not forced. They sat there enjoying the time they had together.

Eiri was happy that Shuichi was no longer sad. He remembered what the boy had called himself. Unlovable. Untouchable. Disguising. Eiri made a silent promise to never again debase his innocent lover in that way. Besides if there was no Shuichi where would he be?

"Well I find it funny that after all these years this is what it took to finally teach you how to lie to me." Eiri chucked as he felt Shu take a deep breath in. He knew that the baka would continue to talk and talk and talk until he did something about it. So Eiri brought his beer to his lips and thought about the different ways that had become known to him over the years to make Shuichi shut up. Occupying them otherwise was always a good way, but they were out of strawberries!

"Eiri! That's not fair! You know I love you and would never want to hurt you and!" Shuichi continued on in that manner for the time it took Eiri to finish that sip of beer. He leaned in and pressed his lips softly against the singers. A small gasp escaped Shuichi's lips as he threw his arms around Eiri's neck and returned the kiss. Eiri smiled at how his brat never seemed to get used Eiri's sudden onslaughts. Even after all this time there remained one full proof way to get his baka to shut up. Eiri leaned in further, tasting sweet strawberries and the reminisce of salty tears, as he did just that.


End file.
